“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”

“She said she was approaching 40 and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.”

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.”

“When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”

“Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.”

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